Keeping it real My Journey of Becoming "Normal"

So lately I have enjoyed eating healthier a diet full of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and grace and some how that has brought about some thoughts on my past I just wanted to share :))

I have discovered that there is something very liberating in loving ourselves, when we love ourselves we no longer perform or compare ourselves. Secure people can't get rejected because inside of them is an unshakable acceptance: that they chose to agree with long before a situation that challenged their self love arose.

So here is a little bit on my journey of becoming healthy. Growing up in the Midwest probably one of the least healthiest places in America I thought little about health, if ever. I mean wasn't that a class I was forced to take in school every few years. Everyone in my family was either on drugs, ate REALLY unhealthy, or smoked so it never was modeled to me on what it might be like to care about myself. A mentality of what happens happens permeated our culture. I never thought about consequences. Most of the people in my life were very careless of their words and from a very young age I felt "fat, ugly, and unwanted." I remember these emotions determining and being my identity from the beginning of elementary school. I remember thinking no one could or would ever love me and I remember intentionally doing things to isolate myself. I think a lot of people say things about more negative sub cultures things like "they are only doing this or that for attention." For me I never believe that was the case I think it was a desperation to not have an opportunity to be loved because I really didn't want to discover my inadequacies deeper. I think drugs and bulimia/anorexia was my way of disqualifying myself.

Growing up I remember being very shy, insecure, fearful, and seldom feeling loved. Hating my body and mutilating it, whether that meant burning my flesh, taking pills, drugs, starving myself, ect. From the ages of 9-16 I remember purging at least 6 days a week and becoming so freaked out with the feeling of food in my belly. So freaked out even after I got saved just crying because I couldn't handle the feeling of food.

I think even in the deepest darkest places in my life I have always wanted hope even when I truly felt there was no way out. In this season I am celebrating four years after my decision to ditch eating disorders. It was a long battle a hard one. Two or three times between then and a  year and half ago I seriously thought of going into rehab for eating disorders. Even in places of feeling loved I had a hard time feeling like I had a voice in this area of my life.

I remember being in deep encounters with God and Him pouring His love all over me and telling me how beautiful I was and how He made me and still thinking "God it's cool you feel that way but I just can't."  remember God telling me how loved, wanted, special, valuable, gifted, lovely I was and writing down what He said about me and looking in the mirror saying it over myself and crying, Crying not in a good way. Crying in a this is SO HARD way. This hurts so bad way.. weeks went by and I remember in January 2008 catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror and just thinking wow i am so beautiful. I AM BEAUTIFUL.. I really can do this!! Something happened inside of me I didn't even notice. I had begun to actually start to love myself through agreeing with how God saw me. It was crazy. Confidence and security become a part of my life through who God said I was. It was so good, it was like what I believed finally agreed with what I did. I hadn't been participating in any ED stuff but finally my heart loved me!! I now look in the mirror and feel beautiful, secure loved and joyful because I see the father made me and He calls it GOOD! hahaha!!


We can't be ashamed or embarrassed to be confident to be proud of who God has made us to be. That He has made us to be wonderful and lovely!

There is something about just being around God in His presence all fears and insecurities melt off and we receive His mind and thoughts towards ourselves and the world our perspectives are shifted. It truely is indiscribible and only experience can truly do it justice. Let His love go deep experience a new level of freedom and security to be who you were made to be.

FACT

Before Bethel (a year and half ago) I consider going into rehab for bulimia and upon moving here was set free from tormenting hateful thoughts about myself

10% of college age women in America suffer from Bulimia

80% of 13 year olds have attempted to lose weight

God is so in love with you and with Him nothing is impossible.

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty. -Mother Theresa

 

17 Days of Christmas Wishes

So as many of you know I will be in Redding for Christmas
here is my Christmas list I am asking Jesus for
I challenge you to ask Him for surprises as well..
He is going to rock our holiday season with Joy, Family, Laughter, and Surprises!!

1.to have an amazing Christmas with Sarah Hatch
2.make dounuts with the Harpers
3.see deaf ears open
4.dance party
5.kiss under the missletoe (probably Sarah Hatch ha)
6.box Spring
7.mission trip paid off
8.see some really cute puppies and babies
9.mega encounters with God
10.divine surprises
11. REST!!!!!!!!
12.visit a hot tub
13.drink lots of coco and green tea
14.have guests over
15.Officially Christmas Carol hahaha!!
16.have good times with Coworkers
17.time to write!!

HAVE THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER WITH SARAH HATCH <3 and Redding Family
I wish you the Best of Holidays from The Love Hut 

When I Became a Man

LOVE THIS POEM!!!!!!!! REDEMPTION!!!!!

Revival and Hot Tubs

"When we realize we are in family; we can't fail. Sucess is risk, it is doing what we have never done before knowing our father is in a GOOD MOOD and He can't help but show up when we step out in LOVE!"

Just got back a few days ago from a travel trip with Bethel.
I went with Jason Chin and a team to Ramona Ca.

I really enjoyed all of the laughs, jokes, miracles, testimonies, love encounters, spending time in the presence and soaking.. haha in a hot tub!

We started the trip with a thirteen hour drive from Redding to Ramona (outside of San Diego.)

At one point on the drive we were outside of Starbucks and Daniel one of the guys on the team was fake preaching to us three girls. Saying "Jesus is alive. He is here. He loves you He is healing a neck right now."

Right then a woman started to walk in Starbucks and was looking right at us. I asked her "Do you have a neck problum." She said yes. We released God's presence over her. She totally got healed!! This rocked me we were totally joking and still the "fake" word of knowledge was right. It just shows how easy, simple, and fun it is to partner with heaven. He really just wants to get out of us, and love the world around us!!

The Highlights:

personally stepping out in new levels of risk

experiencing family haha

riding a quad

starting some new awesome friendships

the simplicity of love and miracles

a new confidence to take risk

prayed for a man at a gas station without a leg even though I was scared.

*many neck problums healed

*a woman with 28 years of back pain in her lower back all GONE!!
*a woman who worked at a grocery store feeling God's presence for the first time

*lump disappeared on womans side no one even prayed
*legs grow out people gettting taller
*people touched through prophetic songs and art
*a man with cancer life come back into his body.. color came onto his skin. He could feel his feet and he felt as if walking on springs. A symptom of his cancer was numbness in his limbs. IT WAS ALL GONE!!! He said to me that he wants to start praying for the sick. Before he came to the meeting he had absoulutely no grid for healing or the miraculous but heard we would be able to help him so he came.. and of course PAPA showed up!!
*it was very exciting to see the church we were at get excited about praying for the sick, prophecy and treasure hunts

*people getting names and tons of clues on their treasure maps right and realizing they could her from God even though they felt they were making it up.. hahahaha!!

*it is impossible for us to step out and Him not show up!!
*had the honor of going on a treasure hunt with two 80 year olds and seeing them take risks they never before had taken.
And so many other amazing things!!


God is so in love with us.. He just wants to rock the world with His love!!! It is so easy and fun!
I challenge you to dream with God and take new risks!! But most important have FUN!!!!
hahahaha!! BAM!!!!!!! <3